Clearing up before the school begins…
Clearing up before the school begins…
She couldn’t remember her dreams anymore…
A few years ago, when I was pregnant with our fourth child, my husband and I decided on a career change (believing it could provide better for our family). We had some olive orchards in the family in Argolis – a place about an hour and a half away from Athens – and decided to become olive oil producers. We invested literally everything we had in this project and begun our business and this journey into the amazing world of the cultivation of the orchards and the production of extra virgin olive oil.
Never had I imagined that distance would be a problem for us, because I hadn’t realized that creating all that he would have to be there most of the time. Suddenly, I’m found with three kids and a newborn home alone, trying to keep everything together, in complete and utter exasperation. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of the weekend when my other half would come home. Not only to help me, but to hold me, comfort me and make me feel that I’m not alone in this. What I couldn’t grasp back then because I was too wrapped up in my own reality and every day strive, is that HE was also alone in what he was doing. Putting all his effort in creating something that we both decided on but being alone there. As I mentioned earlier, we invested everything we had into this, so moving there with our family was out of the question. This was a very hard year for the both of us and our family (going through all these transitions), but somehow we survived it. Many fights, bad times and misunderstandings, but we survived; as a couple and as a family.
After that year, I know that we are meant to be together and that we’ll both do our best come what may. No matter if we argue sometimes – it’s only natural after all – we’re there for each other and our relationship has grown stronger. Plus, that this longing we have for each other helps the sparkle between us. How can I not believe that everything in this life happens for a reason? Sometimes I cannot understand life but ultimately things do happen for a reason and all this happened so that we realize that our love is strong and we will face everything together, no matter if sometimes we are apart.
Rhythm. The first thing that comes into mind is music. I love music. It makes me feel alive. And what I love most about it is not only the melody but its rhythm. It makes me want to dance in a certain beat, move my body, liberate me. Yes. Rhythm. Rhythm is everywhere. The beats of our hearts, our breaths, the blinking of our eyes. Rhythm, rhythm, rhythm. The pace of our lives can be called rhythm. I’m so eager to write about it but I’ve gone blank. This is the first time i’m doing this, so give me a little break. Rhythm also brings to my mid the beating of the drums, the clock ticking, my blood pressure, the universe, my husband doing math using his calculator, my children’s laughter.
My five minutes is up, so here it is for the first time. Hope you enjoy! 🙂
I remember I was lying on a hard bed in the surgery room of the maternity ward. A male nurse put a mask on my face and asked me to count backwards from ten. I blacked out at nine. Then, I remember someone shouting out at me and me not being able to respond. I could hear my own voice but soon realized that my lips weren’t moving even though I was speaking. A huge palm of a hand landed on my face, but I didn’t feel anything. My head turned to the other side though because my blurred view changed. Slowly I came to.
My first words: “How is she? Is she ok? Is everything ok?” A nurse was holding and stroking my hand, telling me in a soft soothing voice that everything was ok. My head was throbbing. Such pain, I had never experienced. I told the nurse and she checked my blood pressure, which was very high. Suddenly, five or six people where all over me, fixing my tubes and the medications issued. The headache slowly subsided. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I want to see her first. Make sure that she’s ok.” Tears running down my cheeks and sobs coming out my whole existence. Panic. Sheer terror. “I DON’T WANT TO DIE BEFORE I SEE HER!!!!” The nurses were trying to calm me down – apparently used to this kind of reaction – and finally I gave in. All I had to do was wait in that horrible monitoring room until they made sure I was all right and then they would take me to my room.
Her smell was the first thing I noticed as they brought her in. I don’t know how that’s possible but that’s how it was. Her smell. That delicious, familiar smell. Then, this small, red creature in my arms. A part of me, being inside me for nine months, now in my arms. My tears wouldn’t stop. If I were a cartoon there would definitely be a lake on the floor and me in a boat. Although she was so tiny, she was the BIGGEST thing I had ever witnessed. I felt so relieved that I made it. I was now holding her. Now I couldn’t die. I had a cause: to take good care of her; nurture her; bring her up; die FOR her if necessary. I was no longer the leading lady of my life. SHE was and I was deliriously happy about it. “Unconditional love”. This is what I felt at that moment. I realized its meaning. Giving your life for somebody else’s didn’t sound so fictional anymore. Motherhood. Now I knew.
capturing memories one moment at a time
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